Tuesday, January 20, 2009

19 January diary

07:00 2pcs marinated tofu (satay) I was trying to eat a good breakfast (plenty of protein) so that I wouldn't get hungry. I didn't want to get hungry!!! What if I accidentally have a greedy attack? What if I have so many greedy moments that I start to get fat and everyone can see???
1/2 serve miso
1/2 serve tea
few tbs dried blueberries and a couple nuts
12:00 Muesli bar Low cal. About 136. That's all I could think - and how glad that I wasn't super hungry!
Office snacks Tea With mint. It's healthier than coffee and all I need in the mornings
Water with lemon & ginger I try to drink a whole jug
Sugarfree mints and chewing gum It's supposed to be stimulant and appetite suppressant although it depends on what's causing the appetite
14:00 Black coffee In a meeting - and it made me energetic! I want so much more now!!! Cocaine, speed, I don't care, I just want to buzzzzzzz!!
15:00 "Binge" motivation (not extreme quantities but extreme thoughts) During this period I felt almost a sense of panic. I could tell that my eating was controlling me but I was unable to fight.
I bought a lot more food than I have nominated here (it's in my drawer) and I was like a prisoner who is starved all week but has a weekly hour in a room with a buffet - which can't be taken back to the cell. It was as if my body thought it was now or never!
I do feel like I am a prisoner of my feelings.
1 pkt black sesame rice crackers (250 cals)
1 pkt mung bean chips (200 cals)
Some nibbles of a trail mix including gourmet ingredients like chocolate buttons and cranberry raisins
16:00 Organic coffee with a splash of malt-free soy Because I hate waiting for the afternoon to finish so I can go home! I just want to power through that last bit!
Some fruit and nuts Because I just can't stop myself! Yuck!!! How do I focus on the things I'm doing????
18:00 1 cold roll Because I already had enough, but needed to get J fed and quiet.
Nibbles from laksa
20:00 A shot of vodka in mineral water Just something to make the process of responding to selection criteria a bit enjoyable and relaxing.
Some fruit and nuts

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The right side of the right-hand column of your blog is blocked by the
"Eating disorders in the news" column.

good format, though

btw thanks for linking my freewebs page to your site

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