Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Xian holiday!

And for the rest of us rational folks, happy Food Celebration!

Oh my goodness, you read how obsessed I was with cooking - I had so much to prove to my boyfriend's family who think I can't cook.  They liked it!

Very satisfied and very proud.

Today I ate like a "normal" person typically would at Christmas.  I had a reasonably big breakfast of bread and cereal and a few sips of milkshakey stuff, and for lunch I had a bowl of soup, salad and dolmades with a little bread and dip.  And two desserts! I made trifle and Christmas cake!

I definitely over-cooked and now I have all these leftovers but actually it's kind of relieving to know I don't have to bother with cooking for a while!

This week has been a bit of a struggle mostly between Ana and Mia but today I was so proud - when I felt Ana tell me to stop eating halfway through my soup I said "OK Ana I'll have a little salad and see how I go" and when I felt Mia telling me to have a third dessert I said "J I've finished eating, please don't let me have any more."  Then an hour later or so, when his mum put out some fruit I asked him if it was OK to have a little and he said yes.  He also let me have 2 glasses of champagne and 2 glasses of Benedictine so whoa! I'm gonna need some water!!!

Yeah, it has been a decadent and disgusting Christmas in many ways but I'm just really glad that I was able to choose to do that just once.  I've told J that tomorrow I'm starting to pay more attention to watching my weight again and he understands but it's nice to have these little victories - just one day of knowing it's OK to enjoy eating because I've reached a milestone and it's the holidays or just one moment of saying "I'm not actually starving hungry, Mia just wants some attention!"

When we came home it was a huge victory because J felt sick and purged but I had eaten a small enough amount that I was urging HIM to come out of the bathroom! Take that Mia you ugly bitch!

I hope someone whose name is Mia doesn't read this stuff, it would fuck her up.

Anyway I'll be exercising later and more importantly returning to a healthy daily exercise and moderate food intake lifestyle tomorrow morning (with the whole holiday to lay down some positive habits) and Santa brought me some stuff about de-stressing and I'm just hoping to start feeling better about myself.  I still feel like I need to lose weight but I also need to accept some things about myself that have nothing to do with my size!

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