Monday, November 24, 2008

Beating the addiction... Please help!

I'm feeling a bit over-energetic because my body is fighting a sore throat (looks like strep!) that is probably caused by all the purging I did this weekend. On the weekends I restrict and restrict and it gets tenser and tenser until eventually I binge and purge and feel relieved of stress!

Purging is really addictive - It gives me a sort of headspin and feeling of purification. Sometimes I think the only reason I can stand all that food is so that I can purge it and feel better. It's such a strong physical stress to go through that when it's over I feel really relieved!

Basically though, I really want to stop purging. I never wanted to start and only got onto it because I was having issues with someone forcing me to eat. I don't want to be his slave any more and so I want to give up this behaviour. I've purged at home, at work, in restaurants... it's just awful!

It really flares up along with my restricting when I'm really getting stressed. Well lately I'm stressed, I haven't got to the bottom of what it's about but I'm obsessing about calories and on weekends when I'm not spending all day busy at my desk, I'm caught up in the binge-purge addiction cycle.

So here I am with all this stress caused by this terrible addiction to hurting myself in this way and no idea how to channel it positively! Please someone give me some ideas on what I can do to relieve my stress instead of bingeing!!! I'm looking for suggestions on anything I can do with my time and my energy!

Update: Spider has sent me some advice here. Thanks Spider!

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