Friday, November 21, 2008

So frightened!

I've just come home from after work drinks (~900 for the day) and once again after a single drink and some nuts (about 350 of those 900) I got home and started feeling sooo nauseous.

Now I do accept that this can be caused by an acid-base imbalance in the stomach but I believe more may be at play here.  I was tested on Monday for food allergies and damage from ED and I'm told 2 of my tests were normal and 2 were not - so that and all the reading/interacting I've been doing lately has really got me worried about electrolyte imabalance.

So I did a bit of googling on electrolyte imbalance.  Apart from nausea I also have dark urine sometime and can be very thirsty even after drinking a few litres... and is my breathing slow or my heartbeat irregular? I don't know! Electrolyte imbalance can cause spontaneous cardiac arrest! I'm terrified! I won't know what's wrong with me for 3 1/2 days and all I know for certain is that I have to go consult with the doctor over my results.

I've got to spend the whole weekend knowing that something is seriously wrong with me and that I don't know what it is! And that I caused it by recklessly vomiting up to 3-4 times a day sometimes.

I have been purging ever since I started eating again... at first it was to shut up my ex who would not shut up unless I ate something and then it became a rare solution to the odd indulgence but as my weight crept back up to normal I guess it seemed more and more of a solution to snacking and bingeing until I was at it daily, sometimes multiple times!

Now I'm so scared and I'm restricting carefully - raw fruit and veggies but also lots of water! I don't know if I'm too high or too low on which salts so I can only hope to take in a normal amount of most electrolytes.  And of course to count carefully so I know I'm low enough not to consider purging as a serious option.

Girls please don't hurt yourselves this way! If someone is pressuring you to eat, don't eat to satisfy your audience and then purge! Talk to your doctor, go to a clinic, do anything else to show commitment but don't pretend you're eating - you'll only make yourself dangerously sick!

xoxo

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