Friday, November 21, 2008

Business trip wisdom

Well I'm home from my mysterious "business trip." And I learnt that I don't think fasting is necessarily the right way for me to feel good about my size.

First I was seriously walking all over town. I spent 6 hours on my feet walking from Sydney CBD to Newtown and Glebe and basically all over the place. So yeah I don't think that fasting would have been wise in that circumstance or in rushing around the CBD to meetings.

Second I get rather nauseous if my stomach is completely empty. I kept my litre of water with me at all times but really it only takes the edge off the nausea, it doesn't take it away completely. Better to eat a little something before the meeting and be able to focus!

So I ended up eating between 500 and 1000 calories each day.

Finally last night I ate like normal people do because my period came today. I had like 800 calories for dinner and another 300 when I got home - a huge binge but I'd really only eaten about 300 before then so it came to a total of 1400 for the day and as I said that's my once a month binge (and it can be absolutely ferocious at times!)

So I guess what I'm saying is I'm off the fast girls! Sorry but I just really need to focus and if I'm going to make this viable in the long term then staying under 300 calories a day is not the way to go about it. I ate about 500 cals so far (it's basically the end of the working day although I plan to stay late) and I'm not really hungry any more so I'll probably just have another 200 or so later this evening.

I'm going hiking tomorrow morning - maybe a walk across the mountains or around the lake - but it will definitely be a good long walk! I think that kind of exercise is going to promote much healthier weight loss than just eating 300 cals because if you eat 500 cals and burn 200 then you're getting a bonus muscle strengthening! And I SOOO want beautiful strong muscles with no fat on them!

I want a six-pack stomach!

Finally there's the medical stuff. I'm really scared because I phoned up the doctor this morning and was told that my blood tests showed up a problem and I have to wait until my Dr's appointment Tuesday until I can find out what's wrong. I was pretty certain we'd find a food allergy or maybe lots so that's probably all it is but I just feel awful knowing that there is something medically confirmed to be wrong with me and I don't know what it is and what to do about it! Worse - that I probably can't do anything about it and will be at a huge risk for stomach or bowel cancer and will never be able to eat normal food which is a huge part of recovering from ED!!!

It actually makes me feel so nervous in my stomach that I feel nauseous and can't eat. Holding my nerves in my stomach is a big part of my ED and an important trigger for relapse - I eat just fine when I'm not stressed but when I'm stressed I don't eat or if I do I purge.

So with all this stress going on I'm putting together a promotion where I give people candy if they buy lots of things from us! Am I a hyprocrite? Yes, of course I am!

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